I moved out from Dave's house. I thought he had a good honest All American job - he told me he was a coffee delivery boy. Well, I dunno if he forgot what coffee was? Or if he just mispronounced it, but he just went to prison for trafficking cocaine two days ago! I mean, that's what I heard. I had already moved out a week a head of time, thank God because I would have probably been taken down too, even though I DIDNT even KNOW! I feel so stupid - how could I not know? I mean I just thought he was hyper! And on the nights we got drunk together he was totally normal.
But I moved out because I met this guy Ryan at the bar one night. I just went by myself because Dave was gone on another business trip to go pick up coffee (I THOUGHT!) and Ryan was there at that bar. He had a huge beard and long hair and was wearing a plaid shirt standing by the pool tables drinking a beer. We had been making eye contact all night and then I guess I was drunk or something but when I ran out of beer, i made eye contact with him and held my beer bottle up and shook it showing him it was empty, and made a sad face. He smiled this biiiiig pretttyyyy smile and walked over and asked me if I needed another beer. I said no, I've had enough, but I'll have one of you, big boy (HA!).
Well, right when I said that, i Jumped off my bar stool and I didn't realize how drunk I was but I just fell over! I hit my head on the floor and Ryan helped me up and took me home. To his house, so he could take care of me. I told him my ROOM MATE was out for the night and couldn't take care of me. So he took me home and he kept me up. all. night, if you know what I mean!
His hair is longer than mine it was soooo sexy. Long, soft brown hair falling over my face as he pounded my brains out.
I thought it was really nice of him keeping me up all night so I didn't have a concussion. It was also nice that he waxes his WHOLE body. Shoulders to toes. But he keeps the long hair and beard. He should be an underwear model, I think! He wasnt very good in bed but I am good at faking! And its the least I could do to make him think he's a stud for being so hospitable to me.
So, long story short, I felt guilty for letting Ryan screw me all night. I went adn found my OWN apartment the next day. I think I can afford it. It's kinda skuzzy and sometimes I find fleas in the carpet, but I mean, it's pretty nice. I think I can just use 7 dust on my carpet to kill the fleas so they're not that big of a deal.
So after I found my apartment, I went and took my clothes and left a note on Dave's door saying I had decided I'm a lesbian and I'm moving to New Zealand. I figure if I told him I decided I was a lesbian then he won't be too upset.
So, me and Ryan have been hanging out! He's not getting any better in bed. I guess if we're going to stay together, then MAYBE i should start telling him what to do. Or maybe I can just buy him a porno to give him some pointers!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Get out!
Oh
My
Lord
It's been a long week.
Dan kicked me out.
OK I will try to start from the beginning.
Last saturday I went on a date with Dave. He took me out to Taco Bell and then we hung out at his house and went up on his roof and drank a bunch of beer and looked at the stars. It was really romantic looking at the stars with him.
About an hour into it, he kisses me. The soft sweet warm kiss that we shared in the parking lot the other night. He made my heart flutter and made me all tingly "down there" I haven't felt that in so long, not for at least six years. Dan is such a tool.
Anyway, we are kissing kissing he starts nibbling on my neck and he puts his hand up my shirt and his hands were cold and i got all goose bumpy, and right when i was ready to take him down on that roof right there, this car pulls up. Three people get out - two guys and a girl. They are very drunk and LOUD, laughing yelling. The girl saw us and was like HEY YOU GUYS and they all ran inside and upstairs and came through Dave's window and got out on the roof with us.
They are all drunk stumbling but the girl started talking to me, asked me who the hell I was what I do blah blah blah. Then we just talked for-e-ver about space and the ocean and religion and gah, everything else we could think of. Her name was Courtney and she had this pretty curly hair and was really skinny and kinda muscly, really pretty face. I had a girl crush!
They stayed there for about an hour up on the roof with us, we were all WAST-ED. And finally they all went to bed.
I stayed the night with Dave. I didn't even bother texting Dan, I figured he wouldn't care where I was anyway.
Next morning, we all get up, have coffee, MORE awesome conversation and GAH you know, I never went to college, I just married Dan and got a job and had no cool friends, and I finally realized THIS is what I was missing out on. These cool people. I just felt ALIVE!
I mean, I didn't so much miss out on the pee smell and the missing toilet paper and maggots in the pizza boxes laying around BUT, I missed out on the other stuff.
So Around 2 in the afternoon Sunday I finally grabbed my stuff and went home. All the way home, my stomach was sick and I was just dreading Dan's lecture but Dan didn't say one word to me when I walked through the door. Not even where have you been.
In fact, he didn't even look at me this time when I walked through the door.
So after that night, I've just been running around like a college girl with Dave. We just do pizza and a movie a lot, and have sex like crazy all over the house, his room mates usually aren't around much, I guess that's how college kids are.
So anyway. WEDNESDAY this week is the day that will live in infamy.
This was the only day I DIDN"T hang out with Dave. After work, I went to the mall to get my toeneails did, and I was going to just hang out at home that night because I decided maybe we should take a little one-day break (absence makes the heart grow fonder!), so I got my toenails done, went to blockbuster and picked up princess bride (favorite movie!) and went home around 830.
When I got home, Dan's car was in the drive way but he wasn't in the kitchen or his study like usual. Not in the bathroom not in the backyard so I figured he was taking a nap or something in our bed (I don't know why I though tthat, he never sleeps in there, he always sleeps on the couch now), but anyway I go in there and there he was for sure. And there it was - a PINK THONG on the floor (I DO NOT WEAR THAT TRASHY STUFF) and THERE SHE WAS. In MY spot in the bed. Kissing my husband. I couldn't see her face but I just stood there until they figured out I was standing there. And then I hear "AMY?" And it was her. Curly hair muscly arms pretty face Courtney.
All the sudden I fell to the floor and started BAWLING my face off.
They both jump out of bed , Dan throws on his shirt and pants, and Courtney grabs MY comforter and wraps it around her.
She asks me WHAT I"M DOING THERE?
I said What are YOU doing here? This is MY HOUSE YOU WHORE!
And she says to me "you're married? what about dave?"
Oh shit.
Who's dave, Dan asked? And Court tells him. Dave is my boyfriend and HER room mate and I have been staying at their house every night for the whole week.
THATS IT, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE. Dan yells at BOTH of us! His face got all hot pink and he looked like that little vein was about to POP in his forehead. Stupid dick hole.
He just started grabbing all my stuff! my clothes and marched his tiny dick to my front door and threw all my clothes out on the porch. Everything was just moving so fast and I was so confused and Courtney was still just standing with me in my freaking comforter.
Okay. I told Courtney that I was going to her house, and that she better not show her face there for a couple days unless she was prepared to get her eyeballs jabbed out and shoved up her ass. I grabbed my keys and took off to Dave's at that late hour. At least my toenails were pretty, because I had mascara streaming down my face.
I'm really upset right now just thinking about all this so I will finish later.
My
Lord
It's been a long week.
Dan kicked me out.
OK I will try to start from the beginning.
Last saturday I went on a date with Dave. He took me out to Taco Bell and then we hung out at his house and went up on his roof and drank a bunch of beer and looked at the stars. It was really romantic looking at the stars with him.
About an hour into it, he kisses me. The soft sweet warm kiss that we shared in the parking lot the other night. He made my heart flutter and made me all tingly "down there" I haven't felt that in so long, not for at least six years. Dan is such a tool.
Anyway, we are kissing kissing he starts nibbling on my neck and he puts his hand up my shirt and his hands were cold and i got all goose bumpy, and right when i was ready to take him down on that roof right there, this car pulls up. Three people get out - two guys and a girl. They are very drunk and LOUD, laughing yelling. The girl saw us and was like HEY YOU GUYS and they all ran inside and upstairs and came through Dave's window and got out on the roof with us.
They are all drunk stumbling but the girl started talking to me, asked me who the hell I was what I do blah blah blah. Then we just talked for-e-ver about space and the ocean and religion and gah, everything else we could think of. Her name was Courtney and she had this pretty curly hair and was really skinny and kinda muscly, really pretty face. I had a girl crush!
They stayed there for about an hour up on the roof with us, we were all WAST-ED. And finally they all went to bed.
I stayed the night with Dave. I didn't even bother texting Dan, I figured he wouldn't care where I was anyway.
Next morning, we all get up, have coffee, MORE awesome conversation and GAH you know, I never went to college, I just married Dan and got a job and had no cool friends, and I finally realized THIS is what I was missing out on. These cool people. I just felt ALIVE!
I mean, I didn't so much miss out on the pee smell and the missing toilet paper and maggots in the pizza boxes laying around BUT, I missed out on the other stuff.
So Around 2 in the afternoon Sunday I finally grabbed my stuff and went home. All the way home, my stomach was sick and I was just dreading Dan's lecture but Dan didn't say one word to me when I walked through the door. Not even where have you been.
In fact, he didn't even look at me this time when I walked through the door.
So after that night, I've just been running around like a college girl with Dave. We just do pizza and a movie a lot, and have sex like crazy all over the house, his room mates usually aren't around much, I guess that's how college kids are.
So anyway. WEDNESDAY this week is the day that will live in infamy.
This was the only day I DIDN"T hang out with Dave. After work, I went to the mall to get my toeneails did, and I was going to just hang out at home that night because I decided maybe we should take a little one-day break (absence makes the heart grow fonder!), so I got my toenails done, went to blockbuster and picked up princess bride (favorite movie!) and went home around 830.
When I got home, Dan's car was in the drive way but he wasn't in the kitchen or his study like usual. Not in the bathroom not in the backyard so I figured he was taking a nap or something in our bed (I don't know why I though tthat, he never sleeps in there, he always sleeps on the couch now), but anyway I go in there and there he was for sure. And there it was - a PINK THONG on the floor (I DO NOT WEAR THAT TRASHY STUFF) and THERE SHE WAS. In MY spot in the bed. Kissing my husband. I couldn't see her face but I just stood there until they figured out I was standing there. And then I hear "AMY?" And it was her. Curly hair muscly arms pretty face Courtney.
All the sudden I fell to the floor and started BAWLING my face off.
They both jump out of bed , Dan throws on his shirt and pants, and Courtney grabs MY comforter and wraps it around her.
She asks me WHAT I"M DOING THERE?
I said What are YOU doing here? This is MY HOUSE YOU WHORE!
And she says to me "you're married? what about dave?"
Oh shit.
Who's dave, Dan asked? And Court tells him. Dave is my boyfriend and HER room mate and I have been staying at their house every night for the whole week.
THATS IT, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE. Dan yells at BOTH of us! His face got all hot pink and he looked like that little vein was about to POP in his forehead. Stupid dick hole.
He just started grabbing all my stuff! my clothes and marched his tiny dick to my front door and threw all my clothes out on the porch. Everything was just moving so fast and I was so confused and Courtney was still just standing with me in my freaking comforter.
Okay. I told Courtney that I was going to her house, and that she better not show her face there for a couple days unless she was prepared to get her eyeballs jabbed out and shoved up her ass. I grabbed my keys and took off to Dave's at that late hour. At least my toenails were pretty, because I had mascara streaming down my face.
I'm really upset right now just thinking about all this so I will finish later.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wax on, wax off
So, there's this new trend called vajazzling. I read a blog about it the other day and my friend Rita (who is an esthitician) tells me yeah, it's been around California a little while! And she needed a guinea pig so she can practice, because she wants to start doing it! So I volunteered last minute.
I ran over to her shop around 9 last night to get it done. I have never been waxed before, and I do not think I was ready for that kind of pain! OMG! I. almost. BAWLED MY FACE OFF! And to top that, she has to wipe in down with STINGING ALCOHOL and then glue little pink jewels to it.
Anyway, after a few minutes and some soothing aloe and stuff, it finally stopped stinging. she VAJAZZLED ME! It is so pretty, looks like a star burst.
Then, for putting up with the pain for the first time, she gave me a little makeover! She has some great make up, stuff I've never used before!
So... as much as I claim to hate my husband Dan, I still want him to want me. So when I got home last night, I showed him. I thought it turned out really pretty, and all the reviews said it was great for your partner for a special occasion, he'd really love it, blah blah blah. So last night...
I'm an idiot I guess, assuming my little bedazzled cupcake and some pretty make up on my face would be enough to drag him back in.
I came home afterward. He was in the kitchen eating dinner (which he just cooked for himself, wasn't even considerate enough to save me any) and he looked at me when I walked in and turned his back to me, and continued eating. Anyway, I went in the kitchen, feeling rather dazzling (dazzle, vajazzle... heeee) and I grabbed his hand and said I have something to show you, come to the bedroom with me... and I dragged him to the bedroom.
I laid down on the bed slowly and sensually, unzipped my pants slowly and pulled them down to where he could see the rhinestones. RAVAGE ME! I said to him in my huskiest sex voice.
And he says to me...
"You look like a sparkly hog, you dumb whore." Then he turned and left me in the bedroom.
Wow. A kick in the stomach, let me tell you. But you know what, I didn't get mad. I didn't cry. I mean I was mad, but more cool than anything. I just closed my eyes, breathed, stood up, zipped up my jeans, went back to the kitchen to grab my purse, said in my sweeeeeetest voice "I love you Sweetie pie" then I blew Dan a kiss and walked out of the house.
Its liberating to NOT get down when people insult you. Its FUCKING LIBERATING!
I sat in my car for a minute, looked in my rear view mirror and just thought what is his problem? I thought I looked really pretty. I've never been a skank, I have a good job, I always wear make up and perfume and fix my hair and wear jewelry, and this make over made me feel REALLY god damn pretty for some reason! Just glowing. Dan is an idiot!
So... sometimes, even when you try not to get down on yourself, when someone insults you, you still need a liiiiiittttttle validation from other people. I went out again. A different bar this time, the one right next to the gay bar. It's a mix gay and straight bar and it's really glitsy and fun. And everyone is super open minded there!
So I go in, and I'm getting STARES! The night I met Rico, no one was staring at me when I walked in that bar, and maybe that's why Rico was so easy to hook up with, because no one else was paying attention me. But tonight! Oh My Dear LAWD! And these men were hott too!
I smiled my best movie star smile and walked up to the bar. This guy was sitting there and he looked up at me from his glass of (water it looked like, but I'm sure it was vodka, because who drinks water at a bar?) He smiled at me and my heart skipped. He had pretty teeth, such PRETTY TEETH! And these looooong eyelashes and his eyes were either blue or green I couldn't really tell in the dim bar lights.
He smiled and said hey can I get your drink for you? (NO ONE HAS EVER BOUGHT ME A DRINK) And I said sure, babe. What's your name? I looked down and realized I was still wearing my wedding ring! And I guess he saw my face when I realized that because he looked down too and noticed it :-/
Name's Dave, he said and then asked if I was married and he's sorry for hitting on me if I was.
I kinda lied and said it was just my mom's wedding ring and she had died so I got it (my mom's not dead and i feel bad saying she is) but that was the best I could come up with!
I slipped the ring off and put her in my pocket. I also hadn't taken my ring off in the entire thirteen years I've been married. Wow.
Anyway, we sat there and chatted until the lights came on at the bar... so a good three hours. I was sad our time was up! This pretty, pretty man was about to leave my life forever (so I thought!)
We got up and FINALLY he asked me if I needed a ride home... or wanted to go back to HIS PLACE!
I said SIR! (in my flirty husky sex voice) I do not go home with strange men on the first night I meet them! And it offends me that you would suggest such (i dunno why i was talking so flowery like that, but that's neither here nor there). But I will kiss you good bye and give you my phone number.
So WHOAH! We kissed. He moved his tongue in my mouth like we were one person, I have never kissed anyone like that before, his lips were so soft. Dave is a million times hotter than Dan will ever be (and I bet his dick is bigger too).
He finally stopped and got my number and i started to walk toward my car. By this time there was no one else in teh parking lot! I said oh wait Dave! Can I show you something?
I showed him my vajazzle. I know it's uncouth but it's just so FUN i want to show the whole world! And he smiled his pretty teeth smile and says That's hot, amy. He came back and kissed me one more time and then whispered in my ear (i'd like to see the whole thing soon please) UH I MELTED. Then he walked back to his car.
My heart was beating so hard in my chest.
Nothing like validation from a hot guy, let me tell you.
I ran over to her shop around 9 last night to get it done. I have never been waxed before, and I do not think I was ready for that kind of pain! OMG! I. almost. BAWLED MY FACE OFF! And to top that, she has to wipe in down with STINGING ALCOHOL and then glue little pink jewels to it.
Anyway, after a few minutes and some soothing aloe and stuff, it finally stopped stinging. she VAJAZZLED ME! It is so pretty, looks like a star burst.
Then, for putting up with the pain for the first time, she gave me a little makeover! She has some great make up, stuff I've never used before!
So... as much as I claim to hate my husband Dan, I still want him to want me. So when I got home last night, I showed him. I thought it turned out really pretty, and all the reviews said it was great for your partner for a special occasion, he'd really love it, blah blah blah. So last night...
I'm an idiot I guess, assuming my little bedazzled cupcake and some pretty make up on my face would be enough to drag him back in.
I came home afterward. He was in the kitchen eating dinner (which he just cooked for himself, wasn't even considerate enough to save me any) and he looked at me when I walked in and turned his back to me, and continued eating. Anyway, I went in the kitchen, feeling rather dazzling (dazzle, vajazzle... heeee) and I grabbed his hand and said I have something to show you, come to the bedroom with me... and I dragged him to the bedroom.
I laid down on the bed slowly and sensually, unzipped my pants slowly and pulled them down to where he could see the rhinestones. RAVAGE ME! I said to him in my huskiest sex voice.
And he says to me...
"You look like a sparkly hog, you dumb whore." Then he turned and left me in the bedroom.
Wow. A kick in the stomach, let me tell you. But you know what, I didn't get mad. I didn't cry. I mean I was mad, but more cool than anything. I just closed my eyes, breathed, stood up, zipped up my jeans, went back to the kitchen to grab my purse, said in my sweeeeeetest voice "I love you Sweetie pie" then I blew Dan a kiss and walked out of the house.
Its liberating to NOT get down when people insult you. Its FUCKING LIBERATING!
I sat in my car for a minute, looked in my rear view mirror and just thought what is his problem? I thought I looked really pretty. I've never been a skank, I have a good job, I always wear make up and perfume and fix my hair and wear jewelry, and this make over made me feel REALLY god damn pretty for some reason! Just glowing. Dan is an idiot!
So... sometimes, even when you try not to get down on yourself, when someone insults you, you still need a liiiiiittttttle validation from other people. I went out again. A different bar this time, the one right next to the gay bar. It's a mix gay and straight bar and it's really glitsy and fun. And everyone is super open minded there!
So I go in, and I'm getting STARES! The night I met Rico, no one was staring at me when I walked in that bar, and maybe that's why Rico was so easy to hook up with, because no one else was paying attention me. But tonight! Oh My Dear LAWD! And these men were hott too!
I smiled my best movie star smile and walked up to the bar. This guy was sitting there and he looked up at me from his glass of (water it looked like, but I'm sure it was vodka, because who drinks water at a bar?) He smiled at me and my heart skipped. He had pretty teeth, such PRETTY TEETH! And these looooong eyelashes and his eyes were either blue or green I couldn't really tell in the dim bar lights.
He smiled and said hey can I get your drink for you? (NO ONE HAS EVER BOUGHT ME A DRINK) And I said sure, babe. What's your name? I looked down and realized I was still wearing my wedding ring! And I guess he saw my face when I realized that because he looked down too and noticed it :-/
Name's Dave, he said and then asked if I was married and he's sorry for hitting on me if I was.
I kinda lied and said it was just my mom's wedding ring and she had died so I got it (my mom's not dead and i feel bad saying she is) but that was the best I could come up with!
I slipped the ring off and put her in my pocket. I also hadn't taken my ring off in the entire thirteen years I've been married. Wow.
Anyway, we sat there and chatted until the lights came on at the bar... so a good three hours. I was sad our time was up! This pretty, pretty man was about to leave my life forever (so I thought!)
We got up and FINALLY he asked me if I needed a ride home... or wanted to go back to HIS PLACE!
I said SIR! (in my flirty husky sex voice) I do not go home with strange men on the first night I meet them! And it offends me that you would suggest such (i dunno why i was talking so flowery like that, but that's neither here nor there). But I will kiss you good bye and give you my phone number.
So WHOAH! We kissed. He moved his tongue in my mouth like we were one person, I have never kissed anyone like that before, his lips were so soft. Dave is a million times hotter than Dan will ever be (and I bet his dick is bigger too).
He finally stopped and got my number and i started to walk toward my car. By this time there was no one else in teh parking lot! I said oh wait Dave! Can I show you something?
I showed him my vajazzle. I know it's uncouth but it's just so FUN i want to show the whole world! And he smiled his pretty teeth smile and says That's hot, amy. He came back and kissed me one more time and then whispered in my ear (i'd like to see the whole thing soon please) UH I MELTED. Then he walked back to his car.
My heart was beating so hard in my chest.
Nothing like validation from a hot guy, let me tell you.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
First blog
I'm sure I somewhat resemble a beached whale sometimes when I'm getting my brains screwed out. My big white belly flopping around, weird animal noises coming out of my throat... My newest dude is a weirdo who has a manitee fetish though. I'm sure he likes whales too.
My husband doesn't like manatees... or whales, or anything but a granite-chisled broad. Ugh. He stopped being interested in me when I started gaining weight. You know what though? Once you turn thirty, you START GAINING WEIGHT! I mean... I'm still a goddess. A motherfuckin' goddess. Just like Venus, soft and valuptuous. I'm not obese or anything. And for as much as I've been through with Dr. Douchebag, I still have a fairly reasonable amount of self esteem. I have a pretty face mostly. That's what's important anyway.
What makes me really mad about him not wanting me anymore is like... his dick is so tiny, and I married him anyway. I looked past it because he was totally awesome (so I thought).
So yeah. We are still married. Been married for 13 years, we have a kid Stacy but she stays with my mom right now since we are going through such a rough patch. Me and my husband don't talk. We don't hang out. He is screwing someone on the side. I found out about a month ago. I didn't even have to catch him, he just told me!
The night he told me, he came home around 4 in the morning from the bar. He was all kinds of drunk smelling like vodka and cigarette smoke, and his hands. smelled. like. VAGINA! And it wasn't MINE!
He stuck his hand in my FACE and says "SMELL THAT BABY?!" I got so sick to my stomach. You know, you just know what that smells like. And he starts laughing hysterically and walked off.
So... about a week later he asked me for a divorce. I said No way, baby. We said our vows. Basically I don't want to be married to him anymore, but I feel like I have a better chance at making his life hell if I'm still married to him. Heeeeee!
So anyway, I finally stopped wollowing in self pity and went to the bar last week. I took myself on a date. I don't have many friends here anymore since Hubbywubbster and I got married. I mean i was crazy about that bitch ass.
So. went to the bar by myself. I was sitting there drinking their stale wine (that's all i can drink these days is wine) and then this really weird looking geek comes up to me and sits down. His name is Rico (yeah yeah I've heard the Rico Suave jokes, give it a break. I'm sure that's not even his real name anyway!). He's really stupid and geeky but he's good in bed. And his dick has some girth. And you know, girth is more important than length and twenty times
better than my husband's baby toe dick any day.
So anyway, this is a weird time in my life. I mean I've always been super faithful ( I HATE CHEATERS!) but now I get it. I. freaking. get it. But this is like a big change, so figured I should start a blog or diary to document.
TTFN!
My husband doesn't like manatees... or whales, or anything but a granite-chisled broad. Ugh. He stopped being interested in me when I started gaining weight. You know what though? Once you turn thirty, you START GAINING WEIGHT! I mean... I'm still a goddess. A motherfuckin' goddess. Just like Venus, soft and valuptuous. I'm not obese or anything. And for as much as I've been through with Dr. Douchebag, I still have a fairly reasonable amount of self esteem. I have a pretty face mostly. That's what's important anyway.
What makes me really mad about him not wanting me anymore is like... his dick is so tiny, and I married him anyway. I looked past it because he was totally awesome (so I thought).
So yeah. We are still married. Been married for 13 years, we have a kid Stacy but she stays with my mom right now since we are going through such a rough patch. Me and my husband don't talk. We don't hang out. He is screwing someone on the side. I found out about a month ago. I didn't even have to catch him, he just told me!
The night he told me, he came home around 4 in the morning from the bar. He was all kinds of drunk smelling like vodka and cigarette smoke, and his hands. smelled. like. VAGINA! And it wasn't MINE!
He stuck his hand in my FACE and says "SMELL THAT BABY?!" I got so sick to my stomach. You know, you just know what that smells like. And he starts laughing hysterically and walked off.
So... about a week later he asked me for a divorce. I said No way, baby. We said our vows. Basically I don't want to be married to him anymore, but I feel like I have a better chance at making his life hell if I'm still married to him. Heeeeee!
So anyway, I finally stopped wollowing in self pity and went to the bar last week. I took myself on a date. I don't have many friends here anymore since Hubbywubbster and I got married. I mean i was crazy about that bitch ass.
So. went to the bar by myself. I was sitting there drinking their stale wine (that's all i can drink these days is wine) and then this really weird looking geek comes up to me and sits down. His name is Rico (yeah yeah I've heard the Rico Suave jokes, give it a break. I'm sure that's not even his real name anyway!). He's really stupid and geeky but he's good in bed. And his dick has some girth. And you know, girth is more important than length and twenty times
better than my husband's baby toe dick any day.
So anyway, this is a weird time in my life. I mean I've always been super faithful ( I HATE CHEATERS!) but now I get it. I. freaking. get it. But this is like a big change, so figured I should start a blog or diary to document.
TTFN!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)